Monday, March 28, 2005

Disturbing thoughts

I always had the urge to gobble Christians up when they come to me and say I will go to hell. Embrace Christ, they say.. else you will be condemned. You are sinful my son, believe and repent.

Perhaps they are right after all. I have sinned and I am so sinful.

I can't seem to focus my thoughts on the things that need to be done. I know I have to do certain things and they cannot be avoided - yet my sinful self rebels against it or simply pay respect to procrastination. Or maybe, it's just plain laziness.

Am I pathetic?

I have promised myself that the least I could do for myself is to stop berating myself. I have scolded and admonished myself enough for the littlest of mistakes and I promised that I would give myself a chance. And indeed, I have been very magnaminous in that, and vigilant in reminding myself to STOP berating myself.

Maybe I should run to the nearest store tomorrow and get a cane. What for? Since I promised to stop berating myself, perhaps I can try canning myself to be disciplined.

How's that for a freak out of control?


Anonymous Anonymous said...

No, they are NOT right. They are a bunch of crazy bastards who want to inflict THEIR book-driven "morals" on you and me and deride our OWN ability to know right from wrong. Like the arab wackos of this world who warb their own teachings, the farout righties of this land do not have enough confidence in their own abilities to be good people and have to rely on man-made crutches to rationalize their being.
Screw 'em all. I harbor no grudge. All I want is to be left alone by them. PLEASE!

12:55 AM  

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